I don’t want to feel anything

Dec 23

I don’t want to feel anything

The first time I looked in your eyes I knew that I was lost The first time I saw you walk away I knew there would be a cost   The first time I felt your touch It felt like the sun It was the first time I felt anything That didn’t make me wanna run   I don’t want to feel anything But I feel everything with you   I used to feel hope Then I’d feel pain I thought I’d get sunshine And ended up with rain   I know it’s just a wish That you’d ever understand Trust is never easy But I’m not like every other man   I don’t want to feel anything But I feel everything with you   I don’t ever expect You to be the same But I couldn’t just sit by And let you forget my name   Friends forever Even if nothing more I will always be right here That much is sure   I don’t want to feel anything But I feel everything with...

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Emotions and Writing

Dec 16

Emotions and Writing

I hate feelings. While they can be nice when things go well, they can be utterly debilitating when they don’t. Sometimes I can hide everything completely and don a smile with ease. Other times I feel completely exposed where even if others don’t notice the turmoil in my soul, I get self conscious and think everyone’s looking. Usually after have a down experience, I can turn hard as stone and nothing effects me–nothing bad and unfortunately nothing good. I turn into a block of ice. It’s not depression or being a negative person since I don’t open up often. I’m usually happy, overly positive and maybe too naive most of the time. Maybe it is me becoming more cynical as I grow older, and when I do have good things happen and they go wrong, I adapt to block it out instead of expecting good to come of it. Weirdly enough it’s during that in-between pain and ice, that I tend to do my best writing. My style and words seem to require emotions to reach the level that I’m happy with. It lets me put my soul onto the page in a way that doesn’t seem to happen when everything is at it’s best, or have a wall up. This doesn’t mean I can’t write when happy, but it still comes out differently. Maybe I require pain of some sort to really tap into the pure creativity. Or maybe I still haven’t learned to tap into the happy side of the emotion as well as I have the painful side. Writing is emotions in words. Storytelling requires it in order to get a reader connected to the story. A struggle, a joy, a loss or love. How about you? Does writing make you feel those emotions stronger than others? Does it make you tap into things you are uncomfortable with to bring out your...

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Winter Doldrums

Dec 09

Winter Doldrums

Eight inches of snow blanketed us last night. It was amazing just how beautiful the snow makes everything, but then I think about the 50 (yes 50) car accidents in my town because of it, I think of the irony and how it compares to my writing post Nano. My brain is still in a haze after completing 50k words in 17 days. I still have to do rewrites, not to mention completely rework the ending of my story, but even that car wreck of an idea is surrounded by the serenity that I actually finished a novel. Ok, mostly finished, but don’t ruin my parade! Me, the guy who chose journalism as a major later in life–because writing is what I always felt I should be doing–but found that the politics of those short fact based stories were too predicated on who was telling the facts rather than the truth of them, just randomly chose to do fiction instead. Why? Because if I was going to lie, than at least I could have some fun with it. And that guy, finished a novel. It’s utter crap at this moment, but it’s workable and will be hammered into a masterpiece. Ok, maybe just a hammered version of a masterpiece. Ok, a bludgeoned collection of words that are semi-legible. I’ve got a few projects in the pipe that I’m working on with my writing group (yup, that happened) as well as some leads from the editor of the group that’s publishing my short story in their anthology. So while my brain might be trying to restart after being put through the motions of something done way too fast, the overall outlook on life is surprisingly serene. While it might feel like a depression or lull in my creativity, it’s really just the downtime necessary for those spring-time blooms to look so much more blossomy....

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